Today’s guest blogger is Jordana Jaffe of Quarter Life Clarity.
You know when you’re annoyed with someone?
Or when you’re convinced something is THEIR fault?
Or when they always seem to say the wrong thing?
Well, I have some news for you.
It has NOTHING to do with them, and EVERYTHING to do with you.
I want you to read that 3 more times, and really get it before we move on.
Once you get this, your life will change dramatically.
Everyone is really just a mirror for us. The relationships we have with our friends, colleagues, family, and significant other are simply opportunities to learn more about ourselves.
When you react to something, it doesn’t have to do with the other person. It has to do with your own stuff – whether it reminds you of how you used to be, or how someone used to treat you, or a quality of one of your parents that you can’t stand, our reactions have nothing to do with what the other person is doing, and everything to do with us.
But here’s the thing. It’s a lot easier to just point the finger at them and declare that it’s THEIR problem. If only they were different, if only they responded in some other way, if only, if only, if only… Interesting enough, you would have the same reaction to what was done regardless of who did it. And your reaction is yours, and yours alone.
This is why some people can tolerate certain things in relationships, while others can’t. This is why certain people annoy you for some reason, but they don’t annoy your friends, even they act the exact same way to them.
This wake-up call may seem a tad abrasive and overwhelming, but it’s actually very exciting. When you realize and really get that it’s all about you, you can stop waiting for someone else to make you feel better, and instead, reclaim your own personal power.
Here’s the good news and the bad news: No one can really make you feel better in a real way and for the long term except for you. And you know what? It’s not their responsibility either. It’s taken me quite a while (read: 29 years) to get this. I’ve been in plenty of relationships where I not only wanted people to make me feel better, but I EXPECTED it. And surprise, surprise, none of those relationships have lasted. Instead, I’ve spent the past few years working on me, and really strengthening my ability to give me what I had been seeking out from other people for far too long.
The more we commit to being responsible for our own happiness, the less we will expect of people, the more we will appreciate them, and the healthier our relationships will be in general.
Doing this, however, takes work, and isn’t as easy as assigning the responsibility to someone else. It requires you to look within, really get to know yourself, forgive yourself, love yourself – flaws and all, and become personally accountable for your life. Now the cool thing about this is that it’s SO rewarding and beyond freeing. How cool to not have to depend on anyone else to make you feel happy. I mean, if that isn’t empowering, I don’t know what is.
So, what will it be? Are you ready to reclaim your personal power and give yourself everything that, up until this point, you’ve been waiting (and ultimately, expecting) to get from someone else, or will you continue pointing the finger at everyone except the person who is really responsible?
Jordana Jaffe created Quarter Life Clarity to empower and help women in their 20’s and 30’s clarify their goals, identify their passions, and live their best and most authentic lives. Having graduated from college with an English degree and absolutely no direction beyond that, to being the founder of two successful businesses featured on NBC, in Women’s Health, People StyleWatch and the New York Daily News, within only a few years, Jordana realized that success is YOURS for the taking, regardless of age or background. She believes in educating young women on the possibility of playing BIG and living full out, and has since committed herself to helping young women create the quarter lives of their dreams, whether that’s figuring out your ideal career, or finding the perfect partner.
Jordana speaks on college panels, at university functions, sorority meetings, and leads her own workshops as well. To find out more or to book Jordana to come to your school or event, please email her.